I was awoken at 3:38 this morning by the "beep" that goes off on my phone when I get a text. Hmmmmmmm...... I thought to myself in my half sleepy state, "who would be texting me at this hour". I stumble out of bed, rolling over what I realize is Lexi, who must have crawled into bed with me sometime in the middle of the night, hmmmmmmmmm?????, and get my phone. This is what the text says, I just woke up and my belly hurts, text me when you get this.then it really hurts i ask, r u throwing up? Oh, so by now, I know that these text are coming from my 5th grader, Trevor. He is spending the night at a friends house. He continues, I want to cum hom. I try to be sympathetic but its 3:30 in the morning and its one of the coldest nights!! i ask him r u able to go back to sleep. Finally after the texting continues, I put on my coat, boots and tell him I am on my way.
This is My Life.
I am a mom.
We have our routine.
Lexi likes bacon every morning. In fact, it is really the only way she will get out of bed. She only needs about 15 mins. to get ready for school. She likes her sleep.
Trevor likes his frozen waffles, 2 with syrup. He likes to get up early, sometimes does his homework in the morning. Loves to read at night.
These things are predictable and routine. We have recently started family read time. 8:00. TV's, Music off and we all read together. The house is so quiet and its nice.
Both my kids like to spend alone time before bed. Lexi will drag it out as long as she can. I still lay in bed with them, talking about the day or whatever. It is routine. It will break my heart when they are too old for me to "tuck them in" at night.
It has taken US a long time to get a new routine, one that we can now call our own.
Change is hard but we learn from change, I know that.
I was married for 15 years.
This was my family.
I learned a lot about myself in those years. There were good times, hard times, challenging times, and wonderful times. Six of those 15 years I was a parent and 2 of the most amazing things came from that marriage. Trevor and Lexi. Since my divorce, many adjustments have been made for me and my kids, lots of learning and growing, still.
Losing the "family" is still the hardest for me to deal with when grieving the divorce. Grieving the loss of the dreams you had as a family never goes away, for me. Even though we have built a new family- trevor, lexi and I and it is a beautiful family for sure but there will always be a loss, I am not sure that feeling ever really goes away.
Perhaps that is why I have hopes and dreams of new relationship- to make a "new" family. Perhaps I am realizing that maybe that is wanting things too fast. I want to replace that family that I lost. Trevor told me I am not very good at having boyfriends, thanks trevor. Lets remember he is 11. In one of our talks before bed, he suggested I try EHarmony. In fact, he said he would do it with me and his date would just have to wait about 10 years. He is a funny kid.
I think for now, I am realizing, THIS is my life. It IS a great life. This IS my family and it is more than enough. A family is what you make of it.
A family is how you connect with each other. A family is how you support one another. We will always be there for each other.
I will go out on the coldest night of the year and get my kids when they are sick, I will not complain when my kids climb in bed with me in the middle of the night. I am a mother. I am a good mother. I am loved. That is enough.
sidenote:
so, i also work in an environment where i have the opportunity to work with kids who are dealing with family change so i hear from them all the time about how they are coping and dealing with their changes.
last week I asked them what they thought about getting married when they were older?? Most of the kids said, "no way, I'll never get married." Then, this little boy said, " well, maybe I will get married, cuz then I can just sit on the couch with the remote while my wife cooks me dinner and does all the cleaning and working........... It was one the funnier moments in group.......I had to laugh!!!!
Some recent pics.
Trev playing in his first game of the season
Lexi playing at Trev's game
Trev
our family now
3 comments:
Julie, you are a great mom. You've done a great job developing your parenting style. Your kids appreciate your love, your involvement in their lives and your routines. Keep it up. I'm very proud of you. Amy
Hugs.
I like when people write about their thoughts and feelings when the so mirror the path I've walked. It reminds me to be thankful once more for my two kids and the life we've created since the family I thought would be forever washed away in a storm of anger and recrimination. I endured the late night calls, the empty feelings, the odd assortment of women who my kids, knowing better than I, politely ignored or outright rejected. They became my sounding board for what was real and what was just my illusions. I learned to trust their judgment over my desires and attractions. It wasn't always easy or what I thought was right, but they were never wrong. Your kids sound great and that's a reflection of you. Keep plugging, gets better and you recognize you do have a family, it may not look like the one in your dreams, but it's simply the best and the one you need today - jeff
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